June 9th 2009 - London, England
Scientists today revealed the findings of their latest study, regarding the consumption of chocolate and how, when consumed in a particular manner, said confectionery can achieve the enviable position of having a zero or even negative calorie content.
It was found that, if a large quantity of chocolate is consumed within 2 minutes, no calories are absorbed by the body.
Additionally, if the consumer tips their head back and drops the chocolate into their stomach, much as sword-swallowing performers do, the consumption actually equates to negative calories.
Dr Byrne couldn't think of an amusing name for himself, nor could really be bothered carrying on with this press-release.